Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
third nipple confirmed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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