So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and she was petting her beer can
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
