So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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