If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
