Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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