she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
