OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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