defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
