I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
