is your mom at the bar?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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