Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
