sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
