I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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