i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
