The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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