I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize