His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize