Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize