Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize