then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
