I want to have your abortion
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
