That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Less talking, more tequila
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
