Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
