Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
