I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
