Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
