it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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