I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
