So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
