remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize