I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
