life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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