I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize