Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
