it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
