What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
