Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
