it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
that may or may not have been my penis.
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