cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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