I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
