i just had sex bonerless
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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