People in love make me want to vomit
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
