An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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