the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
