man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
