From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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