I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize