A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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