A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
