I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
