I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So apparently I’m into choking now
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