At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
