First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
