theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
