The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
