My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My vagina just recognized that song.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
