I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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