I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I met the friendliest cop last night
My balls are so social today.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
