So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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