he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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