this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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