She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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