i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
