Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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