Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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