Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
