Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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