She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
