I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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